Flammable Water

Water is very interesting in that it both stops and starts fires.

DISCLAIMER: I in no way guarantee any amount of scientific accuracy in the following paragraphs. 

Now I know that may sound ridiculous; water is used to put out fires. Period. That's why there are fire hydrants everywhere that supply massive amounts of water. Firefighters use it to, well, fight fires. And this is true, water puts out fires. If you get a fire wet it will go out, with a few exceptions (See: grease fire).

I'm talking about on a chemical elemental level. Water is hydrogen and oxygen  (and several other things that I'll get into). Oxygen is necessary for fire on earth, pushing oxygen into a fire makes the fire grow stronger. Hydrogen is also extremely flammable and easily combustible. The most notable burning of hydrogen is the sun.

Okay fine, the sun isn't actually on fire, and water would not in any way put out the sun. However, the sun does produce a huge amount of energy in the form of heat. There is a reason uninformed peasants often think the sun is a ball of fire. Because, well, it acts like one.

Now that we've gotten the mundane out of the way, let's look at what exactly is in our water. Tap water in the United States commonly contains calcium, magnesium, sodium, copper, and zinc in addition to the hydrogen and oxygen. These are all completely safe to consume when mixed in the concentrations that appear in tap water. In fact, all of these are required in some amount to remain healthy. However, pure sodium, copper, zinc and oxygen are each individually toxic and can kill you.

So where does all of this leave us?

All of these elements are essential to life. And it is essential that they are mixed in with your H2O because pure H2O will also cause harm. Which means that we have all of these elements that individually are dangerous and will catch fire, and yet when they're all mixed together they are able to put out fires.

Now, you're probably wondering what my point is in all of this. I suppose it's about time I got to my point.

It's November, it's cold outside, if you're in the southern hemisphere you don't count. You have a fire going in the fireplace, tea or hot chocolate in a mug, and you're browsing the internet while sitting on your couch underneath a soft blanket. Your labradoodle Schmitty is laying next to you, he looks very comfortable doesn't he. He decides to get up and take his weekly stroll through the lit fireplace. Usually you get your bucket of water that you keep handy and dump it on him. But now you know that water is flammable and contains the primary source of heat in our solar system.

Is dumping water on poor burning Schmitty still the best thing to do? The answer is yes, it is of the utmost importance that you cover him in toxic flammable chemicals to save his life.

So please, by all means, continue using these toxic and flammable matericals to put out the many fires that occur in your life.

 Confidently and Honestly,

D.

 TL; DR: The next time your labradoodle bursts into flames dump flammable and toxic chemicals on him.